“the one truly in charge”

If you have not noticed before now, I am not one to give into the matriarchy. One of the things that has turned me off of marriage is that every married man I have ever known, without fail, has talked about how the wife is the one who is in charge of everything. Apparently this is expected of men. Once a man gets married, he just surrenders the decision making to the woman. In other words, he submits. I cringe every time I hear a man joke about the wife being ‘the boss’. This is not new. This has been going on a long time. My grandparents had a little medallion (for lack of a better word) that carried the words, “I am the one in charge here, and I have my wife’s permission to say so.” It’s just sad.

Recently, at this year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, the President of the United States of America introduced his wife with these words: “My job is very simple. It is to introduce the powerhouse of the White House, the one truly in charge, as Malia, Sasha and Bo all know: the first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama!” This is also sad to me. Unsurprising, but sad all the same.

It is essential, I am told, to any long term relationship for the man to just give in and let the woman run things. Why? Why does being in a relationship relieve a man from making decisions about himself and the relationship? Why is that essential? I’m not saying everyone has to live in a male dominant relationship. But why is it apparently assumed by everybody that everyone is supposed to live in a female dominant relationship? Maybe your relationship works great with the woman in charge. Good for you. Why does mine have to do the same?

“That’s the way things are,” I am told. I am also told lying to the woman as necessary for the relationship is also the way things are. Questions like “Does this make me look fat?” and “Do you like this color on (what/whoever)?” are always to be answered not with truth, but with whatever most flatters the woman. Why? Because that is how relationships work, so I am told.

And then people wonder why couples have such a hard time communicating  with one another.

Mind you, I am not saying if men were in charge all the time everything would work out better. I am saying perhaps we ought to question “the way things are” a lot more.

2 Responses to ““the one truly in charge””

  1. thedreamingsub Says:

    That is exactly what happened to our relationship. I did not ask for it.

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