The Fear of Submission

In my grazing of things across the intertubes, I came across a blog post titled “Struggling with My Submission”. It is a short post, so I will quote just a snippet here.

Lately, I have found myself envisioning being curled up at the feet of a Dom, and even having him stroke my hair. Or, I picture myself in a position where I’m offering myself to him. This scares the f— out of me!

The bold emphasis is in the original. Expletive edited by me for those who may not be used seeing that language.

Anyway, this is, I would say, a common reaction many women have to being and/or discovering they are submissive. While some people will claim that our culture still tells women they have to submit, that claim is not true. Our culture tells women they have to be strong and independent. From makeup ads to clothing ads to daytime talk shows to television series, and on and on, all preach that women are to be strong and independent. So when a woman discovers within herself a desire to submit, it is frightening.

It is frightening because it seems wrong. It also has to do with the nature of submission. Which is to say, submission requires trust, and to trust a man that much, when a great deal of our culture teaches women that dominant men are abusers or sexual predators or both, can seem frightening. And more than that, to submit is to be vulnerable. And that is often frightening in any circumstance.

This is one of the reasons why I believe being submissive is not something for the weak. Being submissive requires a reservoir of strength. And the more a woman seeks to submit to a Dominant, the deeper that reservoir needs to be.

The key is (and this is something anti-female-submission feminists miss) to know yourself. If the desire/need to serve is in your nature, if you can feel it in the core of your being, then you ought to examine that and ponder it. Grapple with it and understand it as best you can. Gradually that fear will erode and you will find the strength you need was within you all the time.

In my opinion, if a woman has a desire to submit, submission for her will be empowering. How? It will give her the opportunity to find happiness and to be the best person she can be. And as she finds her strength, she will be strong for others, not just for herself or her Dominant. And she will come to understand herself better, and that will help her be a better person in all area of her life.

So to submissive women I say, do not ever let fear stand in the way of understanding and exploring your submissive nature. You do not not have to be perfect. Just be you.

5 Responses to “The Fear of Submission”

  1. You explain my struggle quite eloquently. Unfortunately, I can’t submit to my husband. I was originally going to say that it is because he won’t make any of the day to day decisions, but now I think it’s something else. I lost my faith & trust that he would be there for me when I really needed him, because he wasn’t…I think for me an important part of a D/s relationship is to know that my submission is valued and in return my Dom is there for me emotionally & physically.

  2. Your insight is marvellous, as is the way you write.

    All of the above is so accurate, to the most critical detail.

    My experience with One fell apart when my need to submit became so intense, so deep, he wasn’t ready for it… ironically. I won’t go into details, but suffice to say, if a girl is standing on the edge of a precipice, she needs, not wants, NEEDS him to be there to catch her. If he hesitates, all is lost… the trust destroyed.

    This all seems fairly obvious, but to the uninitiated, it is a journey that requires so much MORE of everything one has to give… time, trust, wisdom, faith, belief, knowledge, understanding. It certainly isn’t a journey for the feint of heart.

    Hope this isn’t too cryptic.

    You have stirred many thoughts and memories… it’s good to “be home.”


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