A Few Notes on the Use of Ritual within D/s Relationships

Okay, enough of the politics for now. Let us turn toward the wide ranging D/s relationships discussion. Or more specifically, I am going to talk about ritual within D/s.

While pointless ceremony is something I dislike, I do like a little bit of ritual. Ritual, in my opinion, when done right is brief, significant and beautiful. Ritual can involve a right of passage or a commemoration of some important facet of life, or it can be something simple and of only personal significance.

What has this to do with D/s? Well, one thing I like is establishing little rituals for subs. Perhaps in the way dinner gets served. Or perhaps one for entering the bedroom. Or it could be something done on a sub’s birthday or the anniversary of a collaring.

So what sort of ritual am I talking about? Well, in serving dinner, for example, I might have the sub place the food on the table, then kneel beside me and say “Presented for your pleasure, Sir.” And when establishing the ritual, I would have explained that the word “presented” referred to the food and to her. It reinforces that the point of her service is to please me, and that her service to me includes her submission as my submissive.

Any sort of ritual like that can also help with the mental bonds that help a sub feel safe and connected to her Dominant. When something like that kind of ritual is created, it makes the service more personal and more intimate. The submissive is doing something for the Dominant that, usually, she does not do for anyone else. And it, of course, adds to the structure of her service and gives the sub an opportunity of a specific moment to please her Dom and to receive praise, if she deserves it.

Which brings me to another kind of ritual. Sometimes what can be fun for both the Dom and the sub is a ritual of wherein the sub gets some praise or reward. It would not be something done all the time, but it would be something that once it starts, the submissive knows she is about to receive some praise or some reward. In my experience, subs delight in this, not because it means they get some attention, but rather because it means they have done something well enough to merit this special ritual.

So what kind of ritual might this be? Well, it might involve using a special toy that is only brought out for this specific ritual. It might involve a special piece of bondage equipment. Then the sub is bound in a specific manner, and/or the toy is used in a specific manner. Or the ritual could be something more tame. It could be something as simple as brushing the submissive’s hair. The ritual should stem in someway from something that the submissive enjoys.

In a similar manner, a Dominant can use a ritual for a punishment to show his extreme displeasure in something the submissive has done. The ritual might involve a specific tool of punishment or a specific kind of bondage. It will impress on the sub that something she has done is not a minor infraction. She will know, when this ritual is brought out, that she has been particularly bad. In which case, the ritual will build dread and shame in the submissive. She will remember the experience, and it will become a motivation for her to improve.

Ritual can be a useful tool in controlling the submissive. But it can also be a means of marking and celebrating special moments. The sub might get, for example, an anniversary spanking wherein she gets one swat to the ass for every year she has spent with the Dominant. Or, if the Dom is into having his submissive wear a collar as a sign of her submission, perhaps when she achieves a breakthrough or some new level of submission, she gets a new collar.

All of these kinds of rituals help to draw the submissive and the Dominant closer together. These kinds of rituals become the little things that mark memories and help make the relationship unique and special. Or at least, I think so. Your mileage may vary.

6 Responses to “A Few Notes on the Use of Ritual within D/s Relationships”

  1. thedreamingsub Says:

    These are good ideas. Romantic. It gives each person on opportunity to be creative and to show their love to their Dominant in a way they make their own.

  2. Your sight is very interesting to me and sometimes very helpful and I thank you in advance. The rituals you gave examples of seem nice and I understand about pleasing you always, but sometimes some of your request seem to border a slave relationship rather then submissive. I feel submissive is giving all of me to my Dom, but allowing me to keep some of myself and some of my opinions. We give eneough and to kneel while serving my Dom dinner seems like too much for me. I know I am still training and have a long way to go, but good luck to my Master having me do that one. I know it was just an example.

  3. I love the idea of earning a new collar for every level of submissive achievement. I think of my collar as a blessing and feel honored to owned. When I serve my master, I kneel beside him while he eats. If he enjoys what I have made as his meal, he pets my head and pulls my hair a little. If he does not like the meal that I present, he will not look at me. He will not touch me. When I am lucky, he allows me to remake the meal again in an attempt to please him. I am only happy when he feels entirely pleased so I consider it a great privilege to serve him and try again to make him happy. I found this page in a search. I would love to learn from others experiences and ideas about how to get passed my weaknesses and develop further as a submissive.

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