“What Makes a Person Want to Be in a Dominant/submissive Relationship”
A good question has appeared in the search terms. “What makes a person want to be in a Dominant/submissive relationship?” There are possibly as many answers to that as there are people in Dominant/submissive relationships. But I will see what I can do to provide an answer.
For myself, as a Dominant, it comes from finding something that feels right. “What is that supposed to mean?” you ask. Be patient; I will explain. When I first discovered the culture of BDSM in various forms, as a good, sheltered Christian young man I recoiled as a good, sheltered Christian young man should. But by that point, I was already less good and less sheltered than I had been just a few years before. I began to investigate BDSM and D/s and Gorean things. And as someone who, even as a sheltered Christian young man, was unhappy with the way male/female relationships seemed to work (where the woman becomes the “boss” and the man has to lie all the time to make the woman happy, e.g. “does this make my butt look fat”), I felt like I was finding something that was right. I found a culture where it was okay for a man to be dominant, to be in charge, and for a man to expect the woman to be submissive. That seemed right.
The more I looked into things, the more I began to realize that a D/s relationship is what I want. “Yes, of course you like that, you sexist, male chauvinist pig,” I can guess some of you might say. It is not about putting a woman in her place. I am not classing women as second class citizens. I fully support the right of women as individuals to determine their own lives. I view the D/s relationship as something that elevates the submissive. I even believe it is a relationship of equality.
“Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute,” you say. “How can a relationship where the man is in charge and the woman is submissive be a relationship of equality?” Well, if the woman is inherently submissive and wants to be submit, then the Dominant is respecting her choice to submit and her inherent nature as a person, and reciprocally she respects the choice of the Dominant and his inherent nature as a person. “Yeah, but she is still submitting.” Yes. The submissive’s wishes and desires are respected. The Dominant’s wishes and desires are respected. The submissive is respected as a person. The Dominant is respected as person. The submissive serves the Dominant and is served by the Dominant. This is exactly a relationship of equality. “No, it is not. The woman is still submitting.” You said that already. It is equal in that both parties are getting what they want from it, and being treated as they want in it.
Anyway, getting back to the topic, that is what I want. I want that kind of relationship. What I discovered in my investigations into D/s helped me to understand that my nature was that of a Dominant. But what was better still was my discovery that some women are inherently submissive, and those that recognize this in themselves want a Dominant to whom they can submit.
“Yes, of course you think that, you misogynist prick.” Oh let’s not go through all that again.
There are women who feel the need to submit. The Goreans speak of it as a woman’s “slave belly”. But Goreans are more extreme than most D/s folks. Still, I think they are right that the desire to submit is something the submissive tends to feel deep in her gut. It is a need, almost like a hunger. And it is satisfied by submission to a Dominant. Not just any Dominant. Not just a casual submission, like letting someone have the right-of-way when walking down a hallway. Rather, by a committed submission to a specific Dominant who will care for her and know her and respect her and protect her.
The point of all this is to say that entering a Dominant/submissive relationship is not something one does or should do on a whim. I would also argue that there is not something which makes a person want to be in a D/s relationship. To be in a D/s relationship is a choice to which a person is led by his or her own desires and nature.