What a Dominant Looks For in a Submissive (part 2)
Part one can be found at the other end of this link. This is a continuation of the topic of what a Dominant looks for in a submissive, or at least what I look for in a submissive. While I am trying to keep this as generally informative as possible, I say again that I cannot speak for all Dominants. But perhaps you will learn something useful all the same.
One of the things I look for in a submissive is a respectful attitude. I do not mean just being respectful to me. I mean being respectful in general. What do I mean by respectful? I am glad you asked. I will explain. When I say a respectful attitude, I do not mean acting like she is submissive to everyone. What I mean is acting in a manner that is polite, patient, attentive, understanding and considerate.
Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying the submissive should be weak or passive. I believe a good submissive has strength and intelligence and will. But that should be tempered, in part, by politeness, patience, attentiveness, understanding and considerateness. Why? For one, I see it as a reflection of the submissive’s inherent nature. For another, something I want as a Dominant is a submissive who reflects well on me.
Something I do not see mentioned much about D/s is that the behavior of the submissive will be seen as a reflection of the character of her Dominant. If the submissive is rude or polite, hasty or patient, resentful or considerate, this tells other people something about the submissive’s Dominant. It can say something negative or something positive. A submissive should seek to reflect well on her Dominant all the time, even when he is not around. This is, I believe, part of her service to her Dominant.
Am I being unrealistic, expecting a submissive to be all these things? No. I am not expecting perfection. A submissive who, for example, is polite, attentive and considerate, but has trouble with patience is not a bad submissive. She would, in my opinion, need some training to help her become more patient. And that would become part of the D/s relationship. But a person who is none of those things, not polite, not patient, not attentive, not understanding and not considerate is likely going to prove to be difficult to train. Lack of these things is a lack of respectfulness. And a submissive who has trouble respecting others is going to be difficult to train become respectful. Because first, she has to respect her Dominant.
Some may think I am saying a submissive should be always meek and mild. I am not. Some submissives may be meek and mild. There is nothing wrong with that. But I am not saying all submissives must be so. Being respectful and being meek are not the same thing. A strong woman who knows exactly what she wants can still be respectful. Which leads me to my next point.
Something I look for in a submissive is strength. I think the best submissives are strong and intelligent. This can sometimes make them a little more difficult to train, but training them is very satisfying. A strong woman determined to be the best submissive she can be is a beautiful thing. She will learn that her submission goes beyond just doing what she is told. She will come to understand that her submission is not a surrender of herself but an embracing and an improvement of herself.
Something else I look for is intelligence. Does the submissive have to be a genius? No. But I like a submissive with whom I can carry on a reasonable conversation. But more than that, I think a smart submissive will learn better and understand more. Submission is more than just doing what one is told by a Dominant. Submission is not a path to being a robot with no will or thoughts of one’s own. On the contrary, being a good submissive requires will and thought. To be a truly good submissive requires the desire to submit, and also understanding, widsom and intelligent thought.
A good submissive learns not merely to do as she is told, but to anticipate what her Dominant wants and needs. A smart submissive will see the unspoken want for quiet or a neck massage or simply to have the submissive at the Dominant’s feet. A smart submissive will learn to see the things that her Dominant does not say. When he is angry and needs to rage. When he is tired and needs to rest. When he is troubled and needs to talk. When he wants her to shut up and suck his cock.
One other thing I want to mention in this post is that I look for a submissive who takes care of herself. No, I do not mean a submissive for whom I do not have to do anything. What I mean is, a submissive who wants to look good, who is not sloppy in her appearance. Do I mean the best clothes or the most fashionable? No. Again, this is not about expecting perfection. This is not about choosing the most beautiful submissive. How does the submissive dress? How does the submissive carry herself? Does she take care in her appearance? She does not have to have the most expensive clothes to dress neatly and with some style. Even if I should seek to retrain a submissive’s style, I want know she will care about adhering to it. And I want her to believe the way she looks matters. Not in terms of defining her self-worth, but in terms of reflecting her own sense of self-worth.
And, of course, reflecting well on her Dominant. The submissive who is neat, clean, respectful, smart and strong reflects well on her Dominant. And this should be something every submissive should try to do, even among people who know nothing about her D/s relationship. And so, something I look for in a submissive is someone who will do that and care about doing that.
Again, I cannot speak for all Dominants, but I know I am pleased when my submissive is praised or rewarded or recognized for being smart or kind or respectful or things like that. When other people recognize the good qualities of a submissive who submits to me, I like it. It reaffirms to me that I have chosen well. And being a Dominant, I like to think that of myself and my submissive.
Okay, students, that is all for today. I may have another post on this topic in the future. In any case, there are still many more posts about D/s to come. As always, feel free to ask questions.