Some Words about a Peeve

I am about to make a complaint. But it is not a pointless complaint. This is not an aimless rant. There is a lesson here. Class is now in session.

If you have read some of my other posts here, you may know that I have a peeve about being disrespected. No, I am not someone who thinks everyone must respect me in all things at all times. I do not generally expect people to respect me personally, because, frankly, I know I am too unusual for people to grant me that sort of respect.

That said, I wish people would show some respect for what I do. No, I will not bore you by talking about what I do. That is not relevant here.

What I do most people don’t really care about these days. Mostly because they all think they can do what I do. But they cannot. Why? Because they do not actually care about doing it well or even have the first clue how to do it well. I do. And I know that if I stopped doing this work, some other schmuck would come in behind me and do a half-assed and ignorant job, and all the people who praise my work would give him just as much praise. Actually, they would probably give him more, because he would slap crap work together and not be a hassle to them by caring about it.

Anyway, so I am volunteering my time to work on a particular project. Volunteering, as in not getting paid. This an annual project, and I have done this work for, well, more than several years now. And while certain things are provided for this job, I usually try to get just a little more so that I can do more than just an average, mediocre job. Why? Because this is what I do. This year, the project manager (for lack of a better term to use here) says I cannot have the extra things. Which is annoying and disappointing. But not a major problem in the bigger scheme of things.

That is, until the project manager then says to me something along the lines of, “I can’t think of any reason you would do any work that required those things.”

I cannot respond to that officially, because it would get people upset. And I would get blamed for being a trouble maker. And I have no time for that sort of politics and idiocy.

But I was just insulted. Basically, the project manager just told me that I do not know what I’m doing. And apparently the project manager believes themself (I very much dislike that word, but I am being deliberately gender non-specific) smarter than I am when it comes to my job.

I cannot say here just how much I dislike that kind of disrespect. Call me names. Make fun of me for being weird. I do not care. I do not matter. By my work does. What I do, I do pretty well. I am not great. I am not changing the world. But I do what I do with deliberate effort, quality and skill. To say to me that I do not need something because you cannot see for what I would use that something, basically tells me you have no respect for what I do. And it tells me you think you are smarter than I am about what I do.

Oh I know, the project manager did not mean to insult me. And I know why they project manager made the comment. They hold what I do in little if any regard. It means almost nothing to them.

And I cannot complain about this to them or anyone else in the organization. It would make waves. And in this particular organization, making waves is considered very bad form. So I hold my tongue, and I play nice.

One of these days though, without my really trying to do it, I am going to end up insulting this person. Because while I have a great deal of patience, it is a finite amount of patience. And this person, this project manager is slowly using up the patience I have with them. They do not know this though. And when that day comes, to them it will be a complete surprise.

I say all of that to say this: Be careful what you say to people. Consider how you might take someone saying to you what you are going to say to someone else. Would it seem like an insult to you? Would it seem arrogantly dismissive? Would it seem condescending? Would it seem disrespectful? Then reconsider not just what you might be about to say, but also why you are about to say it.

I am not saying you should lie to people. Be honest. Being straightforward with your words is good. Being careless with your words is not. That goes for Doms, subs and vanilla folk alike. And me too.

Class is now dismissed.

7 Responses to “Some Words about a Peeve”

  1. I am not sure what you do, but as a teacher I can relate to the frustration. Most people (especially the pundits always going on and on about horrible teachers) have no idea just what being a teacher entails in 2013. Besides, any job well done is an important job, IMO.

  2. I can relate to this post, as my husband and I just experienced something similar, although in a kink related context. Of the five people involved, one did nothing wrong at all and handled herself with grace, all things considered. Of the remaining four, two subs and two Doms, all four had their toes stepped on and in turn stepped on someone’s toes.

    Now that the dust has settled, my husband and I have had time to reflect on the situation. We agree that we are all equally at fault in some way or another and every one could have handled themselves better. I lost my temper and acted out in a manner which I regret. I said cruel things to one person, that I should not have said, and I created waves for the other sub. I am trying to keep things in perspective, given the extent to which I was provoked. The Dominant in return has treated me in a most scathing manner and said some unjustified things to me. He has mishandled me at several junctures over the last year, and I am still offended by his everything.

    I hold no vindictive intentions toward him and I am letting it go. I do not expect any contact from this person and I will never contact him again. It is a small community though and should our paths cross, I would treat it as water under the bridge. In light of our last interaction, I would feel uncomfortable in his presence and likely do my best to avoid his company. Despite my outburst from over a month ago, I have no desire to soil his reputation in anyway, nor does my husband.

    My husband regrets his last interaction with this person and would do things differently if he could do them over again. He does not like the way this Dom has treated me (his wife) over the last year, but he does not feel that justifies his actions which resulted in stepping on this Dominant’s toes. However this other Dom may feel about my husband, he should realize that he is not a bad person or a bad Dom. He is a young Dom and he is learning. He walks away from this situation that blew up on everyone having learned something and will likely use the experience to adjust his interactions with others in the future. We both will.

    As far as the remaining sub in the middle of all of this…she got what she asked for. I regret my execution in the matter, but I don’t regret coming down on her. She has been non-consensually topping me for close to a year now. My patience is finite too; when it runs out, it unleashes a side of me that I am still trying to process. It’s time for me to let things go with her too. Any further negativity serves only to fuel dying embers and soil our own reputations further, which we do not want to do. We hope everyone will let sleeping dogs lie.

    Perhaps this may apply to your own volunteer work.
    Just my thoughts… this project was done without pay, but surely the rewards must have made it worth it for you to continue on in the manner you have. I am sure your time and expertise is most appreciated and will never be forgotten by the person (or people) it has affected the most.

    My apologies for the length and verbosity of my comment.

    • The length and verbosity of your comment is fine. The episode about which you wrote is a good example of what can happen when people do not take the time to communicate effectively. Which is not always easy to do, I know.

      I wish my time and expertise was appreciated and remembered. As best I can tell, it is not. At least in this situation. But thank you all the same.

      • I am sorry you feel that way. I too tried to treat the people in this situation with kindness and love. I put myself out there for each of them in my own and offered my most honest self. I was burned in the process, but I don’t regret taking a chance on them. I am sad things ended in the way that they did, but I am only responsible for myself and not the way they treated me. I don’t know how to undo what has been done to them or to me. All I can do is let it go and hope that time wil temper the pain I feel and the pain I have caused them.

        • “will”

          Apologies, typing on my phone.

        • We cannot undo the past. All we can do is move forward. We all make mistakes, and we all have lessons to learn. The trick is to stay open to learning and to strive to become better than we were. Easier said than done, I know. I struggle with it myself.

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