What Kind of Self-Esteem Does a Submissive Have?

A question appeared in the search terms that have led people to this blog. Since I made the question the subject line, you should already know what the question is. Of course, the next obvious question is, why am I addressing the issue of what kind of self-esteem submissives have? A-cause it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Some people seem to think submissves have little or no self-esteem. Otherwise, why would they want to submit? The implied idea being that submission is bad. Which is something that has to be addressed.

Choosing to submit and finding pleasure in it is not bad. Being forced against one’s will into submission, yeah, that is bad. Choosing submission, on the other hand, is different. How? Rape is bad, but choosing to engage in consensual sex is not. Involuntary slavery is bad. Choosing to serve is not.

Does a person being a nurse mean that person has low self-esteem? Remember that being a nurse means, at least in part, serving and tending to the needs of others. What about working for a charity? Volunteering at a soup kitchen or a shelter for abused women?

These, I think most of us would agree, are not generally bad, and do not mean the people involved have poor self-esteem. I suggest that assuming a submissive has poor self-esteem is equally incorrect. 

Do some submissives struggle with self-esteem? Sure. But then, if we are all honest, most of us have so struggled at various times in life. And some people who appear to be strong willed secretly struggle with self-esteem issues.

Being submissive is not about having low self-esteem. Being submissive is about feeling within oneself  the desire to submit. A need to submit not because one is inferior, but because submission is that person’s nature. Which means when that submissive person submits to and pleases a Dominant, that person may well have very healthy self-esteem.

So what kind of self-esteem does a submissive have? Talk to one and find out. A submissive may have as much self-esteem as the most independent minded person you know. Submissives are not all alike in all things. Here is my suggestion, do not try to understand all submissives as a group. Submissives are individuals. Treat them as such.

Yes, I know this post is brief, but I am tired. Good night everybody. Be good.

17 Responses to “What Kind of Self-Esteem Does a Submissive Have?”

  1. How does one know when they meet a Dominant? How does one know when they are being tested or perhaps even inadvertently trained as a submissive? How does one deal with, if the above is happening and wants to submit?

  2. I think it’s definitely possible to have plenty of self esteem and still be a good sub. In fact the two things surely go together. After all what dom(me) wants someone who thinks they’re worthless. When I sub for top/master I wanna offer him all that’s good about myself – by body, my willingness to experiment, my desire to please, my desire to share pleasure.

  3. Anytime you allow yourself to be authentic it shows you value yourself as a human being and that is what healthy self-esteem is all about.

  4. I am sad I did not get an answer!

    • I am sorry you have not had an answer yet. Multiple problems got in the way. A post to address your questions should be appearing soon.

  5. Hello and thank you for your refreshing outlook. You speak, herein, about the submissive nature. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind pointing me in the direction (either book or website) of where I may find info on this topic, and perhaps the dominant nature also? I haven’t researched the topic for >10yrs, and I see that there is still a LOT of info, but little said.

    Could you please suggest books or websites, so I may be able to cut thru the chaff??

    Hoping you can help

  6. samantha Says:

    Hello, and thank you for all the information here. I have been reading for the past week. I am so pleased with this post. And I have to say that my choosing to be a submissive does not mean I am weak. If anything it has caused me to really look at myself, as an individual and question myself. I have some issues with self esteem but i also have a strong personality and I over come things quite quickly. My choosing to be a submissive does not come lightly or easily this is work and very rewarding but easy for me no not easy at all. For me it has taken my will and personal strength to work this. I am at the very beginning stages of this, and have quite a way to go yet. So I thank you for the information here it has helped me alot.

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