“How does one know when they are being tested…?”

Okay, the next question from the reader known as A628 is: “How does one know when they are being tested or perhaps even inadvertently trained as a submissive?” I confess, I am not certain as to what sort of situation A628 is referring, but I will attempt to answer this question anyway. For the purposes of this post, however, I am going to break it up into two separate questions. 

• How does a submissive know when she is being tested?

If a submissive has just met or only recently met a Dominant, the submissive should believe everything is a test. Even if the Dominant says the submissive is not being tested, he will be assessing the submissive even if only subconsciously. This is something Dominants do. One of the few things I feel safe in saying that most, if not all, experienced Dominants do is assess the quality of submissives. Even a Dominant who is not consciously evaluating a submissive is still going to notice in a submissive things like politeness, respect, quality of service, et cetera. And those things will influence the opinion that Dominant has of that submissive. This is something submissives should always keep in mind when meeting a Dominant. 

This is not to say the submissive must pass every test/assessment of every Dominant. Sometimes a submissive will encounter a Dominant she does not like or to whom she does not wish to submit. In which case she may fail a “test” by that Dominant. There is nothing wrong inherently wrong with that. No submissive is perfect, and no Dominant is perfect. These things are going to happen. Only a fool tries to please everyone all the time.

But what if a submissive has met someone for the first time and is unsure if that person is a Dominant? Then I would still say the submissive should act as if everything is a test. Being polite and respectful to someone who may or may not be a Dominant is unlikely to ever get a submissive into trouble. If the person is not a Dominant, then the submissive will have treated someone very well, and that person will be pleased with the submissive’s behavior in any case. If the person is a Dominant, then he will likely notice the submissive’s submissive behavior. And how you conduct yourself in his presence will be your first “test”.

Also, a good submissive should strive to have good behavior that will reflect well on a Dominant, even if that submissive does not currently have a Dominant. One of the things an experienced Dominant is likely to look for in a submissive is just such behavior.

• How does a submissive know when she is being given training?

If the submissive is in a D/s relationship, I would say the submissive should know when she is being trained by her Dominant. But the point of the question is, I think, to ask about a situation when a submissive is not in a D/s relationship. Perhaps prior to a relationship proper, a Dominant gives a submissive some task or other with intent to train the submissive, possibly as a further test of the submissive. The answer here will seem similar to the first one. The submissive should behave as if she is being trained.

Every Dominant is unique and has his own desires in regard to how he should be served. And if a submissive ends up spending much time at all with a Dominant, that Dominant will expect the submissive to learn how to serve in a manner that suits his desires. This may require no extra training at all of the submissive. But, depending on the Dominant, it might require the submissive to learn to do something differently or something more. Thus is the submissive trained, even even only just a little.

So unless the Dominant is someone whom the submissive does not like or to whom she does not wish to submit, the submissive should behave as if she is being trained. And if the submissive is, for whatever reason, unsure if the person who seems to be giving her some training is a Dominant, still the submissive should behave as if she is being trained. Again, respectful and polite behavior that serves the other person is not likely to offend someone who is not a Dominant. That other person, if not a Dominant, will still see the submissive person as someone kind and generous. There will likely be no fault there.

This next part is possibly Not Safe for Work. You have been warned.

If a submissive is used to being sexual and/or slutty in her service to Dominants, that sort of behavior is generally not wisely done before someone the submissive is not sure is a Dominant. Or before someone the submissive does not know personally. Submissives need to be aware of the context of their surroundings, and to be wise in how they conduct themselves. Being submissive is not an excuse to act irresponsibly. Submissives should not, for example, start getting naked before or offering to suck the cock of someone whom they do not know in an attempt to entice that person to Dominant behavior. That kind of behavior can lead to bad results, including physical abuse and rape. I certainly do not want that happening to anyone.

So when I say a submissive should behave as if she is being tested and/or trained, I am not saying do anything the other person asks. I am saying a submissive should conduct herself in a polite, respectful and responsible manner. This is one reason why what I said yesterday is so important.

Know yourself, submissives, and know what you want. If someone asks something of you that you do not want to do or would be uncomfortable doing for that person, then respectfully say so and act accordingly. A good Dominant will understand this. And sometimes a Dominant will ask something of a submissive to see if and how she will refuse. You know, one of those tests. So you if you have to refuse a Dominant’s request, you are not being a bad submissive. And saying no when you need to say no will be easier when you know yourself and what you want.

And knowing yourself and what you want will, in turn, be pleasing to good and experienced Dominants you may encounter.

I hope that helps. Tomorrow, I will answer one more question from A628. Feel free, O readers, to ask more questions.

Tonight, if you are good and behave yourselves, I should get up a post of a political nature. I have lots and lots of things to say about the political issues of recent weeks. Tonight I will try to confine myself to one.

In the next few weeks, I will have some posts directed at Dominants. While my recent posts on D/s have been directed mostly to submissives, there are things to say to Dominants on the same or similiar topics.

This post is now over 1100 words. I will stop now.

3 Responses to ““How does one know when they are being tested…?””

  1. Thank you

  2. Sir, I’m communicating with a Dominant in another state. He has stated that I’m not his submissive but wants me to refer to him as Sir. He has agreed to give me directions on a few life matters per my request. Is he testing me? He states that he only has one sub at a time. When he told me about a possible new girl, I thanked him for his time and advice. I felt it was appropriate to no longer text him. He replied that it didn’t matter if he was involved I was given permission to continue our conversations. I’m confused. Could you please give your assessment of his behavior as a Dom? I don’t want to be hurt. This lifestyle is very new to me. Thank you.

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