Project August: Day 5 – Dominance and Submission as Inherent Nature

On this Monday, August 5, 2013, I am now on day five of my project to post, each day of the month of August, 2013, responses to posts from other blogs. This is turning out to be an interesting exercise for me. I have never attempted this before. Anyway, what shall I talk about today? Yes, I know; you are at the edge of your seat and tingling with anticipation. Hm… As I look through my wordpress reader for blogs I follow, what do I see? Oh yes, Kayla Lords is moving her blogging to her own site. Oh, look, there is an interesting post. Yes, let’s talk about being always Dominant or always submissive.

Kayla Lords, if you have not seen her blog, is a sexy submissive with a sensual blog. And she recently moved to her own site, kaylalords.com. The post to which I will be responding today is “Always a #Dominant and Always a #Submissive”. Yes, those are number signs, but the techno savvy folks have repurposed the number sign as a hashtag for something called Twitter. (One of these days, I am going to have to see what this Twitter fuss is all about.)

Anyway, let us begin with a relevant quote from her post.

That observation led to a discussion about the inherent traits of Dominants and submissives. [My Dominant] made a statement that I’ve heard many times from many people in the BDSM lifestyle. “A Dominant is always a Dominant.” Of course, as usual, what follows this statement is how submissives aren’t always submissive. We commiserated about needing a Dominant to be submissive or a submissive to be a Dominant. The common saying among subs is, “I’m a submissive, not your submissive.”

I had a slightly different opinion, though (be shocked). I contend that if Dominant traits are inherent, then, to a certain extent, so are submissive traits.

[…]

I say that I’m submissive even when I’m in authority at work, and I only have the responsibility and control that I do because I’m a submissive. Wait, what? I’m in positions of authority and responsibility BECAUSE I’m a submissive? Yep, that’s what I said.

Working hard, being good at what I do, getting the projects done ahead of deadline, coming in early, staying late – all of those are the ways I want to be the professional equivalent of a “good girl.”  I am absolutely that person who will understand the lack of a financial raise if my boss gives me praise and credit for what I do. Submissives gain our authority and control in the professional world BECAUSE the things we do to be “good” are the things that help you succeed in the business world.

[…]

Look, it’s not a perfect theory, and without interviewing every submissive I meet, I can never come close to proving that submissives have inherent traits. But simply from pure observation, I say that a Dominant is always a Dominant, and a submissive is always submissive – regardless of the vanilla life they may lead.

I also cannot prove it, but I also believe it to be true. 

Being dominant or being submissive, I strongly believe, is something that some people have as inherent parts of their basic nature. Which means a Dominant is always a Dominant, and a submissive is always a submissive.

This does not mean a Dominant always acts in a dominant manner to everyone around him. And a submissive does not always submit to everyone around her. Because being dominant or submissive by nature does not require a person to act like a moron. Any moderately intelligent person of a dominant nature knows not to piss off the boss, or talk back to the police or poke the sleeping bear. Any moderately intelligent submissive knows she must be careful and guarded with her submissive desires.

I have heard or read many times statements that say Dominants are only Dominants when they have a submissive, or that submissives are only submissives when they have a Dominant. Nonsense. Having or not having a Dominant or submissive does not alter the inherent nature of a person.

Being a Dominant is not like being the president of a company. Dominant is not a title one gets by taking on a position. Dominant is a nature that is always with a dominant person. Likewise, being submissive is not like being an employee of a company. Submissive is not something one becomes by agreeing to submit. Submissiveness is a nature that is always with a submissive person.

This is why (to refer back to something I discussed on day one of Project August) a woman can choose to submit to a man and still be seeking empowerment and fulfillment as a human being. Because she is not relinquishing her nature, but embracing it.

Something many people forget is that good leadership requires being a good servant. (Yes, this even applies to Dominants.) So when someone is a good servant, for example, in a paying job, that can lead to one gaining a position of leadership. Which seems to be the situation for Kayla Lords. So yes, it makes perfect sense that she has authority at work because she is a good submissive.

Someone who is submissive by nature is always a submissive. A person with a submissive nature will be happiest when her desire for submission is satisfied. Which is why people with a submissive nature, even if they are not aware of it and not seeing a D/s relationship, will often find happiness in life choices that reflect their submissive nature, like being teachers or nurses or personal assistants. They crave serving and rules and order, even if they do not consciously realize this.

Similarly, someone with a dominant nature will be happiest when his desire for dominance is satisfied. This is why, even when they are not aware of their dominant nature and not seeing a D/s relationship, they will generally find happiness in life choices that reflect their dominant nature. Though obviously sometimes that means seeking positions of authority, it does not always mean that. For example, while some Dominants may seek a position high in management with a company, some Dominants, rather than working directly for a company, may become contractors who do specific kinds of work for hire. While this does not put them in authority within the company for which they may work for a time, it does provide them with control over their situation and possibly even allow them to say no to certain job offers.

So yes, being dominant and being submissive are inherent traits. Like Kayla Lords, I cannot prove it, but based on what I see and what I know of the world, I do believe it.

There are twenty-six more days of Project August. I have to find twenty-six more posts that actually prompt me to want to respond, and that don’t have me merely repeating myself. So I say again, feel free to suggest posts from other blogs to which you would like to see me respond. Even if the post you suggest is your own.

Have a good day, all. Be good, and remember to keep breathing.

7 Responses to “Project August: Day 5 – Dominance and Submission as Inherent Nature”

  1. Wow! Thank you!! I started wondering if I was a little presumptive sharing my opinion, but I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who sees it. 🙂

  2. I just wanted to add that I totally agree that the nature is inherent.

    I am the same in the workplace as Kayla, even tho’ I have a submissive nature. I am a natural leader, as I am empathetic, responsible, love following the est. guidelines, rules, and ensure I do a fantastic job, by both my employer and the public I serve. So much so that I was head-hunted by two competitors, and was promoted consistently, with ever-growing responisbilities, incl. supervising staff.

    Interacting with others in the “vanilla world” means that my nature would not necessarily be apparent to those who aren’t “in the know.” They would just see me as, if they bothered to really see, kind-natured, helpful, willing to put others before myself, ensure all are harmoniously getting along, responsible for organising events so my friends can all enjoy each other and the entertainment, that I love “counselling” my friends when they need of an ear, etc.

    These are all “tell-tale” signs of a submissive’s inherent nature in the day-to-day. There would be other signs, too, of course, but off the top…

    Thanks for your wonderful blog.

    Regards
    deb

  3. Apologies,

    That shouldn’t read “I am a natural leader,” as that’s likely to cause confusion.

    What I should have said, is that I am an effective employee… honest, hard-working, ethical, etc. No doormat here, in face, I fight for the underdog, and fight a good fight when needed otherwise.

    Thanks for the opportunity to post.

    deb

    • And too… another “trait” or characteristic of a submissive, they enjoy educating people. Sharing information for the good of others. They don’t need accolades, they just want to help those they feel need it.

      After reading throught the main post again, “natural leader” is apt. Apologies, must have forgotten the usage of this, whilst writing my initial response.

      Regards
      deb

  4. I must disagree with you on one point. I’ve been dominant my entire life and happen to find teaching to be a satisfying job. I get to tell 180 people per day if and when they may speak, what they may speak about, whether they may leave their seat, IF they may use the restroom (and how long they have to do so), etc. In my opinion, teaching is perhaps the most Domme-friendly profession in the vanilla world!

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