Project August: Day 13 – The Benefits of Tasks

If I ever do something like Project August again, I will definitely choose enough posts ahead of time to easily complete the project. As it is, I am winging this. Not the best way to do this, but it is what it is. Anyway, I was thinking about how to introduce the topic for today. And this is all I got: Yesterday I was looking through several posts that I had not previously read. And I came across one of Kayla Lord’s posts, and thought it would be a good prompt for a post. So the topic today is assigned tasks.

The post from Kayla Lord’s A Sexual Being blog to which I am responding today is “Tasks in #Dominance and #Submission”. (There’s them hashtags again. I really ought to look into this Twitter thingamajig.)

I have a couple of theories on why he or any Dominant would assign tasks.

One theory is the power exchange, especially in a long distance relationship. By assigning tasks, he is reminding me of his Dominance over me. He controls some of my actions in a given day, and when I do as assigned, I’m reminded of his power and control.

Another theory is that it forces me to think about him. In any given work day, I’m pulled in about ten different directions (who isn’t, right?) so my mind is not often on my Daddy, our relationship, or my own submission. By forcing myself to stop my workday to attend to a task he’s given me, my mind is brought back to him. He becomes the focus of my world while I complete my task. Completing a task, even a small one, often centers me, and I tend to focus better on work once I’m done.

A final theory is the obvious sexual one. This only works with those tasks that are sexual in nature. I once spent nearly a week progressively edging myself more and more. The first day, I edged once; the second day, twice; the third day, three times – you get the point. I couldn’t cum at all. By the time I saw him again, I think it was the fourth or fifth day, my entire body was on fire, and I was a needy, begging little submissive who desperately wanted to cum.

Mmm. Yes, she is sexy.

Anyway, those are all good reasons. And yes, verbose fellow that I am, I have more to say.

On the power exchange theory, yes a part of assigning tasks is reminding the submissive of the control of the Dominant. But it also serves as reminder to the Dominant that he has someone who willingly submits to his control. There is enjoyment for a Dominant in controlling a submissive. Probably as much enjoyment as the willing submissive gets from being controlled.

Assigning tasks can also serve another purpose. Assigning tasks can be a part of training the submissive. Particularly as a D/s relationship is being established, the tasks help train the submissive to recenter herself on serving her Dominant. Also, tasks that are to be repeated or are given several times can be used to help train a submissive to a certain way of doing things.

One thing Dominants have to remember is not to overload their submissive with tasks. Do not set your submissive up to fail. Of course you should set tasks that sometimes push your submissive to achieve more. That is good. But overwhelm the submissive with too many tasks, tasks of too high a difficulty or tasks that are overly complicated, and you set her up to fail. Yes, a submissive will sometimes fail, but too much failure is demoralizing. She will become disheartened and question herself, and become unreceptive and unwilling. And that is not good.

Which leads me to another use for assigning tasks. A Dominant should always try to learn as much as possible about his submissive. Assigning tasks can help a Dominant learn about his submissive. One way this can help is in seeing what are the submissive’s skills and likes. Tasks for which the submissive performs better or does more than on other tasks indicate skill and enjoyment. Tasks for which the submissive repeatedly does not do so well indicate a lack of skill and enjoyment. But merely assigning the task is not the end of it. Use such tasks as excuses to talk with the submissive about what she does and does not like, about her skills, and about what she felt and thought about the tasks.

In a similar vein, assigning a submissive an unusual task may open up the door to discussions that reveal more about the submissive. And by unusual, I do not mean the tasks must be strange or abnormal. The task itself might be perfectly mundane, but be out of the ordinary for the submissive. Something like, oh, play a particular video game with the children. Or ask a stranger how to choose the best cucumbers. Or eat exactly fifty peas at dinner time. Or clean the kitchen while wearing nothing but a necklace, a skirt and high heels. And then, of course, talk with the submissive about the assignment and what she thought and felt while doing it.

Kayla Lords indirectly hit on another way to use assigned tasks to control and help the submissive. Sometimes submissives become overwhelmed with submission and all the other tasks of daily life. Giving a submissive a small task or two to perform in the middle of her day can help her refocus by giving her a brief mental break from all the other demands on her time. Such tasks remind the submissive of her submission and the Dominant’s control—which she likes and desires—and thereby build trust and reliance on the Dominant, increasing his control over her.

And for those of you who may not yet understand D/s relationships, no, this is not a bad thing at all. The submissive in a D/s relationship desires within herself to submit. And when she has a Dominant to whom she gives control, his assigning her tasks and gaining more control is serving her needs and desires. This may seem paradoxical to the uninformed, but it really is not. A D/s relationship is a two way relationship. Both the Dominant and the submissive are served by it.

In three more days, I will be at the halfway point in Project August. Finishing still feels like a it is a long way off. But I am pressing ahead. If it was not difficult, it would not be worth the trying.

Anyway, my invitation to point in the comments to posts on other blogs to which you would like me respond is still open.

And remember, keep breathing. Science has determined it is good for your health.

9 Responses to “Project August: Day 13 – The Benefits of Tasks”

  1. Glad I could give you blog fodder…and I love the insight! Everything you said makes complete sense. 🙂

  2. Hi. Speaking of keep breathing, sometimes I forget to breath. I am excepcionaly sensitive to touch and sometimes during mine and my dominants play I become overwhelmed and my breath catchs. I cant breath straight. Oh perhaps I should explain. Its a long distance relationship. I’m a hypno sub. He uses hypnosis for our play so when we play I see and feel him like hes in the same room with me. However lately hes do cautious when we play I think hes worried about my breathing. Help. How do I get him to stop being so cautious? Aftet all the best way to get use to sensation I believe is to keep experiencing it till you learn to better handle it.

    • Practice breathing. Think about the things that cause your breath to catch and remind yourself to breathe through them.

      • Thats gonna be tricky. There’s a great deal of sensation that makes me catch my breath. Sensitive to touch and my dominant is a sensual dominant into sensation play. Ha ha what did I get myself into? I dont know but it’s fun. Thanks for the advice again.
        kelly

        • If it was easy, everyone would do it. You will improve with practice.

          • Thanks for the jolt of confidence and faith. I tried your advice. It is getting better. Will continue to practice. I still caught my breath but not as badly. I managed to take a little more sensation this time. Sigh. Sometimes I’m just so impatient. I want to be good at everything now. I know it takes time but what I lack in experience I make up for with enthusiasm.
            kelly

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