Project August: Day 15 – The Body of the Submissive

Wow. No one guessed yesterday’s obscure reference. Shame on you. You’re not trying. Anyway, in previous posts, I have talked about how those in D/s relationships need to learn about themselves, to know themselves well. I am going to talk about it again, but in a different way. I am also, hopefully, going to make restitution for a bungled job the other day.

On day fifteen of Project August, I am going to use as my prompt a blog post from The Bedroom Submissive. The post has the title “Enjoy Your Body” and some simple but but profound advice for submissives.

One thing you have to do when you become a submissive…. You have to learn to enjoy your body. As you become familiar with it, you can show your new husDom how you use it and motivate him to use it. I hear from so many that they still feel shy trying to be sexy. This lifestyle requires you to use your body as your tool for your Dominate.

[…]

Don’t think of what others see. Think of what he sees…. Your job is to please your Sir… Show him what he would like to see. If your not sure… Ask him. If he’s not sure… Sit with him on Internet pull up pics… Get an idea what he likes to see a woman doing… Honest & communication… The key!

Usually when I talk about a submissive knowing herself I mean it in terms of knowing herself mentally. But this post from Little Kaninchen is quite right. A submissive should know her body as well.

Communication is important in any relationship, but it is especially important in D/s relationships. And one of the best tools for clear communication is knowledge. For the submissive to communicate clearly about her desires and needs, she needs to have considered and to know what she truly desires and what she truly needs. This is true for her mentally and emotionally, and also physically.

And I think LK has some good tips in her post for helping submissives with that. In addition, I believe the assignments that she provides on Mondays have so far been things submissives can use to help them become more aware of and familiar with their bodies and the physical sensations that a submissive should consider and talk about with her Dominant. (Geez, is that sentence long enough?) And no, I am not just saying that because I flubbed a previous Project August entry about another post of hers. Certainly the kneeling exercise was a great one. One of the things I like to encourage submissives to do is to practice kneeling and to think about what the positions mean to them and to their Dominants. It is a way for the submissive to think about her body in service to her Dominant and to do something LK mentioned in the above quote. That is, for the submissive to try to see herself through her Dominant’s eyes.

Which brings me to something I want to say to Dominants. One of the best things a Dominant can do is to try to help his submissive see herself through his perspective. Often submissives will question if they are good enough or smart enough or pretty enough. A Dominant can help build confidence and strength within the submissive by talking to her about how he sees her. When the submissive starts to grasp that her Dominant sees her as a beautiful thing worthy of being his chosen submissive, her confidence and her contentment within the D/s relationship will bloom.

And since we are talking about the bodies of submissives, I will make a specific recommendation. Every once in a while (and if a Dominant has never done this with his submissive, he should do this as soon as possible), the Dominant should take the time talk to the submissive about her body while he touches her. And I do not just mean a hand on her shoulder.

I mean set aside a large block of time, O Dominant, and have your submissive strip, or perhaps even undress her yourself. As that occurs, talk about what you like about her. And when she is naked, caress or stroke or pinch or slap, as seems appropriate, all the parts of her body and talk about them to her. It can be a conversation or you can have her be quiet and listen. Either way, touch her body as you talk about her body. Touch her face as you talk about her eyes and her nose and her lips. Touch her breasts as you talk about her breasts. Slide your hands over her back as you talk about her back and her skin. Grab her ass as you talk about how you like it. Also, have some scented candles lit and turn the electric lights down. In other words, make it a full sensory experience for your submissive.

And if she has lost weight and/or become more fit, mention that. If you like the way her legs look when she does some task, like say, when she is washing the dishes or cleaning the floor, then tell her. She will remember it the next time she is washing the dishes or cleaning the floor. She will know that you do notice her even when sometimes she thinks you don’t. And here is a clue, Dominants: pay attention. You do not always have to remark on everything she does. But when you do take time to tell her you like how she looks when she is performing this or that task, or that you liked the way she performed the task, she will remember. It will be in her mind when she does it again. In this way will you make yourself part of everything she does.

Sensory memories are very powerful, and doubly so for submissives. Help fill a submissive’s life with good sensory memories, O Dominant, and she will adore you all the more for it.

This does not let submissives off the hook. No, submissives, I had not forgotten you. A large part of the reason for the submissive learning to know her body and to find pleasure in it is so that she may better serve her Dominant with it.

For example, the submissive knowing her body will help her display her body as her Dominant prefers. When a submissive learns this action brings pleasure and that action takes her swiftly over the edge to orgasm, then when her Dominant tells her to touch herself but not to cum, then the submissive will know what to do. When a submissive learns practicing X helps her be pleasing when she does Y, then she knows how to improve herself for her Dominant.

There is one more thing I want to say about this, and specifically to submissives who are just starting to learn about submission and D/s. D/s does not require you to look like a supermodel. If you are submissive, and you show yourself willing to learn and improve and to serve, Dominants will find that attractive. So if you are saying to yourself, “I can learn about my body, but I am not as pretty as…” then stop thinking that. Stop it right now. Your true beauty as a submissive will lie in your service to your Dominant. “But I need to…” So? We all have things we need to improve. So get to work improving, and learning about yourself and your mind and your body, and work on becoming the best submissive you can be. The skilled and respectful submissive is always better to a good Dominant than the most physically gorgeous woman who is rude and ignorant.

In other words, do not let all this talk about submissives’ bodies scare you away from D/s. Embrace it. You, O submissive, are a treasure. Embrace your nature and be empowered by it. That is beautiful to any Dominant worth his salt, I guarantee it.

This post is now over 1300 words. Let’s wrap this up for today.

Hey, I am almost half way through Project August. I might just make it a success after all.

I want to say keep making suggestions of posts with subjects about which you would like to see me talk, but no one has made any such suggestions yet. Really, you can suggest posts. I am not just saying that.

And no, I have no idea yet what I will talk about tomorrow. I need some beer. Good night. See you here tomorrow.

7 Responses to “Project August: Day 15 – The Body of the Submissive”

  1. Very Well Done, Good Job. Thanks

  2. Xajow,

    Superbly written post… 😊

    No really…

    This particular topic is crucial in a successful D/s relationship.

    I normally wouldn’t be so short in my response however I can hear the waves crashing outside my balcony door.

    Have a great weekend,

    Mr. Fox

  3. Thank you Sir, this post means a lot to me in how I should see myself, which I shall work on. Especially the part you directed to the new subs. It made me smile.

    • Good. Because it completely true.

      • Sir, it is hard sometimes, we are flooded with images of the svelt and beautiful bodies, from all media sources. I know a man does not have to be buff and muscular for me to appreciate who they are, so I take your words to heart and shall remember them every time I look in the mirror. Thank you for your kind words.

        • There is more to being an attractive submissive than being pretty. For example, your respectfulness is very attractive. You do it well, with grace and sincerity. It is a lovely thing to see.

          • Thank you Sir. Being respectful here helps me to be even more so in other areas of my life, and especially makes me aware of times when I have unpleasant reactions to situations that make me feel like being disrespectful, so much so that I want to learn to change my initial response. You put a smile on my face telling me how it makes you feel. Thank you Sir.

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