On Being a Dominant, part whatever

Sometimes, Dominants, you will find yourselves behaving in a manner that seems perfectly normal and amicable to you, and someone else will be offended by your words and/or deeds. And sometimes the someone offended will be a person who is or wants to be in charge. It may even be someone with whom you must, for whatever reason, get along amicably. What do you do?

The easy answer is just let it go and move on. But that can sometimes be far easier said than done. Obviously Dominants tend toward making decisions and believing they are right in what they do. And sometimes, understanding why someone else is threatened by this can be difficult. At least, it is for me. Maybe you have it figured out.

Anyway, the thing is, I think the answer is not just letting it go and moving on. I think the Dominant has to keep in mind that being dominant, both within a D/s relationship and in everyday interactions in the world, means being willing to serve. Sometimes, indeed probably most of the time the way to get things done is not to fight those who find you intimidating. The way to get things done is to simply do what needs to be done, and do it in the manner of a servant.

Don’t do a thing to take credit for it. Do a thing because it needs doing. This won’t make you less intimidating to insecure men, but it will avoid pointless arguments.

Understand also that some people, men and women, will simply be intimidated by you, even when when they have no good reason to be. You cannot stop that. But you can recognize it and learn to mitigate it when necessary.

Why would one need to mitigate it? Because you live among human beings. Where there are masses of human beings, there is politics. I do not mean Democrat vs. Republican politics. I mean the politics of human interactions. You do not have to let it define you or your life. But you do have to live among people who use it and who do let themselves be defined by it. And when they define themselves by it, in their own minds they will define you by it. And it will thus affect your interactions within their political circle, whether you want it to or not.

One of the things that marks a good Dominant is self-control. This is something I sometimes struggle with in dealing with the politics of insecure men. My inclination is to push back when insecure men get testy and try to control me. Why? Probably because I have my own measure of insecurity. Also, I have been pushed around a lot in my life, and I have gotten pretty darn tired of it. But I have to remember sometimes my best course of action is simply to keep my mouth shut. Getting into an argument with someone else over a whatever minor infraction has set them off does no one any good. Not them, not me, or the spectators to the argument.

But why should I have to keep my mouth shut? Because sometimes keeping the peace is more important in the moment than being right or being dominant. As the old saying goes: better to keep one’s mouth shut and appear a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Sometimes one must simply bear the burden of working with such people. It is part of life. You, O Dominants, will have to deal with such people, and the sooner you learn how to bear it, the better off you will be.

That does not mean I am advocating that Dominants tolerate being pushed about indefinitely. No. Getting along with such people is not an excuse to be bullied by people who would take advantage of your self-control and your willingness to get things done. Sometimes you have to be willing to walk away from such people.

And if you do walk away, you do not have to make a scene. You do not have to be mean or nasty. If you must walk away, do it with the same self-control you would use to simply do what must be done. Do not make a spectacle of yourself. That will not benefit you, particularly if you ever need to go back and mend that relationship. Conduct yourself calmly. Leave the hissy-fits to the insecure people.

Being a Dominant is not about being noticed, either as a Dominant or as a person. Being a Dominant not about getting attention or credit or fame, or any of the other base things lesser men scramble to have. Being a Dominant is not even about having a submissive. Because being a Dominant is never about controlling other people. Being a Dominant is fundamentally about controlling yourself.

So when you choose to work with or to walk away from people who may not appreciate your dominant nature, do not do so to control others or have attention. Do so because doing so is the right thing for you to do. 

For if you cannot control yourself, how can you hope to control a submissive?

11 Responses to “On Being a Dominant, part whatever”

  1. […] was reading Liberate One’s post ‘On Being a Dominant, part whatever’ (https://liberateone.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/on-being-a-dominant-part-whatever/) I started to comment but realised that his post resonated so strongly with me that I wanted to […]

  2. I began a comment but had so much to think on and respond to it became a post… Bebedragon13.wordpress.com

    • Yes, I saw your post. I will have a reply up eventually.

      • bebedragon Says:

        Thank you for reading my post. I want to revisit the topic as I kind of rushed it in the end and am not sure I really covered what I wanted… still pondering.

      • bebedragon Says:

        I have added to my response tonight. What you expressed (not just in this post dear liberated one) just resonated with me on many levels particularly with what I am experiencing at work. The topic has been percolating for a while, yet I am still not satisfied with my thoughts and understanding. That is me though, there is always more to learn and improve on.

  3. I got more out of this than any article I have read on submission as of late. Submission is not my friend right now.

  4. […] was reading Liberate One’s post ‘On Being a Dominant, part whatever’ I started to comment but realised that his post resonated so strongly with me that I wanted to give […]

  5. […] in response to Liberate One (a little more coherent this […]

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