Talk to Me, People

I look at my stats for this blog, and I can see that the number of views of this blog has been growing. Which is good. But I say things in posts like, “I want you all to ask me questions” and I got basically one response. No, I am not going to whine about how no one listens to me. All I intend to do is encourage you to talk to me.

When I request that my readers ask me questions, I really mean that I want you to ask me questions. You can ask me about pretty much anything. You can ask me questions about politics, libertarianism, D/s, Christianity, or any of a number of other subjects.  There are some personal questions I am not going to answer, but you can still ask. I will not get angry. I will not make fun of you (well, maybe a little if you’re a socialist). I can better speak to things that are on the minds of my readers if you will tell me what is on your minds by asking me questions.

Seriously, ask me questions. I won’t bite until I find out where you like to be bitten. If I can answer your question (and it is not too personal), I will. Just relax. Breathe. And ask me questions.

And no, your questions or other comments are not going be a bother. The process of maintaining this blog is actually easier when I get interaction from my readers. Tell me what you like or don’t like here. Ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. I know I seem like a strange and intimidating man of great wisdom and hubris, but if I did not want your comments and questions, I would not have this blog.

Also, no comment you make here is viewable to the public until I approve it. So if you would prefer your comment or question be kept private, just say so. You would not be the first person to make such a request.

So talk to me. Even you readers who just sit there and lurk and think you have nothing interesting to say. You probably do have something interesting to say. Just say it. I want to hear from you. Yes, even you, little girl, in the back, hiding your face. You may think no one wants to hear what you have to say, but I do. So just say it.

Okay, I will try to get caught up on posts this week, but I make no promises. I am fighting some head congestion and some non-happy thoughts. But that is no excuse to not talk to me.

Be good, people.

54 Responses to “Talk to Me, People”

  1. Desiree G Says:

    Actually, knowing that you are having non-happy thoughts is a perfectly good reason to stay quiet. The thought of conversing with a disgruntled Dom is more than just a little intimidating — even to a non-submissive. 😉

    • I am not disgruntled. I am not in a bad mood. Just not in a great one. Besides which, I would never react angrily here simply because I was in a bad mood. But I understand the concern, which is why I said it was not an excuse to not talk to me. And even if I was in a bad mood, I know better than to respond that way here. So you are perfectly safe. I promise.

      • Desiree G Says:

        Since you are insuring my safety, then I will try to come up with a question worthy of your time.

        • I look forward to it.

          • Desiree G Says:

            You may have addressed this question in a previous post on your blog. If you have, please direct me to the correct post.
            Do you believe that online D/s relationships that are unable to be physically manifested can be successful and fulfilling?

          • Yes. There should be, of course, an understanding of what is expected. This is true in any D/s relationship and more so in an online D/s relationship. To be sure, an online D/s relationship has extra difficulty, but it is not impossible.

            (And now I am thinking about this issue specifically, which means very probably I will eventually write a post about it.)

            The extent to which an online D/s relationship can be successful and fulfilling will probably depend on what one means by successful and fulfilling. This is not to say these terms have to be defined down. But they should be defined.

            Someone vanilla will likely have a different idea of successful and fulfilling relationship than someone in or seeking a 24/7 D/s relationship. And someone willing to live D/s in the bedroom only may think a 24/7 D/s relationship would be too strange or too difficult.

            Not having the direct person to person physical manifestation part of a D/s relationship can make it more difficult. But as long both (all?) parties are being honest and communicating, then yes, I think they could find it to be successful and fulfilling.

          • Desiree G Says:

            Do you believe that a strictly online Dom can properly “train” a new submissive?

          • Hm. In general, I would say probably not. It would, however, likely depend on the aptitude of submissive. And on what he was training her for. A new submissive can learn certain things from an online Dominant, if the submissive is willing to follow through with the training and to do what is required of her to prove her progress to her Dominant. Again, it would be difficult, but not impossible.

          • Desiree G Says:

            Are you tired of questions yet?

          • When I am tired of questions, I will let you know.

          • Desiree G Says:

            Very well. Do you believe that a woman who is trying to determine if she is truly a submissive can do so with an online Dom?

          • Yes, I do. While in the long term an online D/s relationship can be difficult, in the short term a woman who wants to safely explore her submissive tendencies may do well with an online Dominant. This is, of course, presuming that she has found a genuine Dominant and not just some creepy guy who wants to tell her what to do. Rules can be established and tasks assigned, and the submissive can test her own willingness to submit and how she feels about obeying a Dominant. She can do this apart from the risk of physical abuse, and she can easily step away from the relationship if she feels it does not work for her. Or if she decides that what she really wants is an in-person Dominant.

  2. misbehavin Says:

    How does one allow themselves to be broken?

  3. misbehavin Says:

    how does one not self sabotage?

  4. misbehavin Says:

    when your used to bullying how do know the difference ? How does one know Dominate over controlling asshole? How does one be submissive and not empty headed and meek? How when your a fighter, a loud mouth, and a punk do you become soft and sweet? When one has been brought up and taught to be cruel and rugged how does one put their defenses down and allow someone else to be involved and trust they wont just abandon them once they have taken control leaving them now lost and listless?

    • Excellent questions. And I will address them in a blog post. But I should give some brief answers.

      A genuine Dominant will seek to protect you rather than harm you. A genuine Dominant will try to help you heal and grow, rather than try to keep you broken and small.

      There is nothing about being a submissive that equates to being empty headed. Being a submissive does not mean being told what to think. Being a submissive means learning about oneself. Being a submissive does not mean changing who you are. It means embracing who you are and losing who you are not.

      How can one unlearn all the lessons of being hard and rough, and learn how to be a good submissive? It takes time and a willingness to change and grow. How can one learn to trust someone else enough to be emotionally vulnerable to that person? It takes time a a person who proves himself to be trustworthy.

      In an earlier question you asked about being broken. The journey of D/s is not about being broken. It is about repairing. Yes, sometimes that means we, Dominants and submissives alike, have to do some paring, which is to say, cutting away things about ourselves that are bad and/or that we don’t need. But it is always, always, always about becoming a better person.

      The other day, I was speaking with a submissive who explained how embracing the inner strength she has as a submissive allowed her to speak her mind at work. Being a submissive is not weakness and passivity. It requires true strength. There are things, like being mean or cruel, that we sometimes think of as strength. But embracing true strength means letting those things go. Letting that go is not a relinquishing of strength, it is merely the discarding of an imitation strength made of fear that shackles a person worse than leather or steel can.

      How can a person learn to let all of that go and embrace her true strength, her true self? With time. It won’t happen overnight. But it can happen. No, you don’t have to find a Dominant first. You can begin with yourself. Start a journal. Write about who you are and who you want to be. In other words, examine yourself. And then begin making choices that start getting you from who you are to who you want to be.

      You can do it. You just have to decided to do it and follow through. And that you are asking these kinds of questions tells me you have the inner strength to make that happen. So make it happen. You don’t have to do it all at once. Just one step at a time.

  5. In relation to the second to last and last question posed by Desiree; Do you think an online D/s relationship can be successful with both sub and Dom being new to D/s?

    • Possibly, if the Dominant is truly committed to improving himself as a Dominant. Which usually means doing the research, the mental self-examination, and some decent mentoring from someone with some experience as a Dominant. And if both Dominant and submissive have a lot of patience.

  6. Hi I wonder if you might be able to advise on a personal matter see im in a long distance relationship with my dominant and one way this works is im a hypnosub only been into bondage just over a year but took well to hypnosis which is great in the sense we skype he puts me under and does scenes he talks them out and it’s like he’s with me physically however when he brings me back out of hypnosis naturally I’m alone he’s not with me physically with makes me feel sad as I miss him I love hypnosis and don’t want to stop but beginning to really feel isolated alone sad when come back is there anyway to make this easier ?

    • My advice would be to stop depending on your Dominant to define your submission. I am not saying he is doing anything wrong. But you need to remember, your submissive nature is part of you all the time, not just when you talk via Skype. If you do not have any already, I would suggest you ask your Dominant for some rules that you will follow in your day to day, so that you have his control with you even when he is not there with you.

  7. kcmaleescort Says:

    I know I seem like a strange and intimidating man of great wisdom and hubris, but if I did not want your comments and questions, I would not have this blog.

    That statements is certainly a pretty good example of humility 😉

  8. Do you have a personal email?

  9. I have a question, but first you need some basic history. I was a sub way before I even knew what one was. After a short time with a new partner I would introduce them to my preferred methods physical, mental, emotional and carnal involvement. Knowing what I know now about the BDSM lifestyle, I may have scared more than one dom in training. I didn’t know that I could have found a dom already trained. Fast forward to now, I am married to someone who enjoys the lifestyle and does a decent job of being my Dom, but I want more. I want a serious D/s relationship. It can’t be a 24/7 but it can be a whole weekend arrangement. I’ve talked to him it, I’ve told him about your blog, I have all the equipment one would need to outfit a dungeon. I’m looking for advise to get him to understand my needs?

    • Four, things come to mind. One, obviously you need to have a serious conversation with your Dominant about this. Two, you should consider writing down your feelings and thoughts on the matter, and then let him read it. Three, consider not asking him to take up what you want all at once. By which I mean, ask for a slow escalation, so that you and he can work out together how all this happens. Four, I would recommend that you also give him a link to husdom.com (if he is not already aware of it), where he can interact with other Dominants who are working out how to handle D/s within their relationships.

      After that, my advice is be as honest as you can, but don’t be manipulative. Take a deep breath. Remember this is a long journey. Enjoy the journey. It will let you and your Dominant grow both individually and together as a couple.

  10. misbehavin Says:

    Thank you for answering a few of my questions. To be broken- to break from learned habits and attitudes that one has acquired simply to survive. I don’t want them completely gone though they are a part of me now and my anger has always been there when nothing and know one else has. It has been my inner Dominate and I have a hard time letting her go. I want to be soft and sweet tho but at times cant take a compliment with out sayin” fuck you or fuck off or K- thanks I guess.” cant seem to break my self hate…..

    • To break yourself from learned habits you must learn new habits. This takes discipline. Do not try to tackle all of it at once. Just take one step at a time. You say anger has been your inner Dominant. Then treat your anger like an abusive boyfriend or spouse. Fight back. Set your determination against your anger. Also, make time for moments of peace. Find quiet moments of stillness and use them to practice kneeling and/or calm, slow breathing. Remember, you are not losing your strength, you are just applying it to making yourself better.

  11. misbehavin Says:

    Heres another one. How do you ask a dominate man for his attention without coming across needy or desperate or toss all interest {if there was any} out the window cuz your “throwing” yourself at them- conversation only BTW. but still… Write them all the time and even though the expect to hear from me what the hell?

    • Not sure I follow that last part of your comment. Anyway, how do you ask a dominant man for his attention without seeming needy or desperate? Try not asking directly. Try simply being submissive to him. Go out of your way to do things for him without asking for anything in return. Find ways to be where he is, so that you can serve him. In other words, rather than demand his attention, earn his attention.

  12. misbehavin Says:

    I am trying.. but online seems maddening. He looks for my conversation everyday and if I am quiet for a couple of days – no more than 2. Well he will inquire whats goin on…. any who I am about to just give up and say the hell with it. I am nice and attentive to his interest and share mine when asked fuckin blah ba de dah. Just forget it , thanks tho.- Disgruntled should be my handle. Have a GREAT day, Sorry no sleep very…. pissy

  13. misbehavin Says:

    Well that’s scary. But ok, I willl do that , how do I do that ? Just kidding I am not really looking for an answer on that one. Thank you for your time and thoughts I do appreciate it.

  14. I appreciate your insight on everything on your site. It has been very informative to me as I understand My Sir better and myself better also. Thank you Sir.

  15. misbehavin Says:

    how does one in a way let a Dom know if your not going to act then I am going to walk away?

    • You tell him. Explain as respectfully as you can what you want, and then respectfully explain that if he does not act on this, then you have to walk away.

  16. misbehavin Says:

    do you have online subs? how do you balance your religion and D/s?trying to imagine this man going to church then the next turn giving swift punishments as well as rewards at times. Can gracing someone with conversation be a reward and a test? ahhh I never sleep can you tell?

    • Do I have online subs? Not at this time.

      How do I balance my religion and D/s? I have a post about that.

      Can gracing someone with conversation be a reward and a test? Yes, of course.

      Can I tell you never sleep? Breathe. Slow down and breathe.

      • misbehavin Says:

        Yes thank you for all the answers you shared I have seen that post yes, still I suppose that one was rhetorical, and me just blabbering. I did sleep a least 4 hours and as always I will try your advice.

  17. misbehavin Says:

    “My advice would be to stop depending on your Dominant to define your submission”.- Okay… I like this but now how to apply it?…He likes my attention I know that but, how can I be submissive to his needs if he wont allow me to be near him yet?
    driving me crazy I want what I want! Dammit grr sorry always so fowl on here I will try to clean it up- back to my rough rugged learned ways when I am sleep, food, and sex deprived.I don’t know how to be near to be close if he wants me and not be creepy somehow at the same time.

    • Perhaps having you eagerly waiting for his attention is his intent. Which would mean he is, after a fashion, controlling you. Perhaps you should tell him you’re aware of that and respectfully ask for more.

  18. misbehavin Says:

    I appreciate your time in helping me during my freak outs thank you so very much.

  19. I have a question of sorts.. I have just entered into a D/s relationship with my ex boyfriend of 2 years. He is currently seeing someone else but wishes to start a long term D/s relationship regardless. I have noticed already that he isn’t as serious about being a dom like I am a submissive, asif he only likes the rough play, toys and accessories. His currently girlfriend deemed herself as a slave where I have made it clear to him I am a submissive, my own person who has allowed him to take control of me instead of being his object. I’m worried he will confuse his dom role when with me and not lead me the way I need to be led. Is there any advice you can give to me in this predicament?

    • My advice would be to determine whether or not you trust your ex-boyfriend. If you do not trust him, and it sounds like you do not, then you should not be his submissive. If you do trust him, then be sure about why. Either way, the next step would be to have a discussion with him. If you choose not to be his submissive, he should know why. If you do choose to be his submissive, then you need to have a discussion with him about what you and he each expect to get from the relationship.

      I should also say you should be careful with getting into a D/s relationship with someone who already has a submissive. Particularly if he seems not to take the situation seriously as you say. If he is only interested in D/s to manipulate you for his own whims, that is not a healthy relationship, and you should avoid it.

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