Let’s Talk About Obedience and Follow Through

Okay, class, today’s topic is obedience and follow through. Yes, before you ask, this is a D/s post. And I will be talking to both Dominants and submissives. Yes, cute girl on the front row, what is it? Yes, you may kneel beside your desk, but I still expect you take notes. Now then, let’s begin.

First, I want to talk to the Dominants out there. If you want your submissive to obey you, then you are going to have to train her. Training requires that you follow through. What do I mean by that? I’m glad you asked.

No submissive is perfect, of course. (And neither are we Dominants.) So even if she is very compliant, she will need training to learn to do things the way her Dominant desires. Good training starts with establishing the rules. You need to talk with your submissive about what you expect from her. But don’t be superficial.

For example: Don’t say “I expect you to clean up,” and leave it at that. In other words, do not assume that her idea of clean up and yours are the same. Tell your submissive what you mean by clean up and establish rules for how that cleaning up is supposed to happen. Do this in a conversation so that you and the submissive can ask questions of one another. That way you can have some assurance that your submissive understands what you want.

You then, O Dominant, have a responsibility to follow through. You should check on her work and let her know when she has done a good job or a bad job. If she has done a good job, say so. If she has done a bad job, say so. And if the work deserves a punishment, then follow through on that. And do so as soon as possible.

If you let a punishment wait too long, then you allow separation of the punishment from the act in the mind of your submissive. Better to hand out the punishment swiftly, so that your submissive closely associates disobedience and/or poor work with punishment.

Even worse, if you let punishment wait so long that you never get around to it, then your submissive will learn that she does not need to obey you. And you will lose control of your submissive. And she will grow restless and disrespectful.

I know some inexperienced Dominants can find the follow through part difficult. After being reared by our modern Western culture to respect women, administering a punishment to a female submissive can seem wrong. If you have done the work before hand—discussing with the submissive what the rules and the punishments for disobedience are—then you have no reason to feel guilty about punishing your submissive. Indeed, in that situation, not punishing the submissive for disobedience and/or poor work is the wrong thing to do.

Remember that establishing rules and punishing when the rules are broken is part of serving the needs of your submissive. Your submissive needs the structure that the rules and the punishment will provide for her. She will be unhappy probably in the immediate moment of punishment, but she will be happier over all when she has that structure.

So if you have not had that discussion with your submissive about what you expect and what punishments will be, then do so as soon as possible. Do not put it off. The sooner the better. And then remember to follow through. Just having rules is not enough.

Okay, now I am going to talk to the submissives. You also need to work on your follow through. What do I mean by that? I’m glad you asked.

When you are given tasks, O submissives, you need to do more than a perfunctory job. Being obedient is more than just going through the motions. You need to do more than just know the wording of the rules. You should strive to understand the rules and what they require of you.

This does not mean you will get to understand the reason for all the rules. Some rules you will get simply because your Dominant says this is to be a rule. Understanding the rules does not mean always knowing the why of a rule. It does mean grasping what the rule means for your behavior.

For example: If you have a rule to keep the kitchen clean, then you should know what having a clean kitchen means. Have a conversation with your Dominant about all rules, of course, and in the case of the rule to keep the kitchen clean, know what a clean kitchen means to him. Does a clean kitchen allow for seasonal decorations or not? Does having a clean kitchen mean it must clean before bed time? Before the Dominant is home from work? Cleaned when you, submissive, get home from work?

Also, try to get an understanding of the importance of the rule to your Dominant. Your Dominant may like to cook, and so having a clean kitchen may be very important. On the other hand, he may not cook and may simply be expecting you to not be messy. You learn these things by talking with and getting to know your Dominant. You have an obligation to follow through with understanding these things as much as possible, but also in completing your obedience.

Your obedience is not just completing a task by the letter of the rules. You should try to complete your task in the spirit of the rules. The rules are there for you and your Dominant. Your Dominant should be establishing rules to help you, and you should be serving him by making sure you do your best to follow the rules. Even those rules that may not make a lot of sense to you.

You may have (should have) had a discussion with your Dominant about your needs and your limits, things you cannot or will not do. You have emotional needs and mental needs that your Dominant will be serving by his leadership. You have an obligation as well, to serve his emotional and mental needs. Often you will find this service can occur simply by going just a little bit further than the letter of the rules requires.

Some of you submissives out there may be thinking about how you like to be playfully disobedient every once in a while. If that is something you and your Dominant are comfortable with, then certainly do that. But playful disobedience should never, ever be an excuse for being consistently sloppy in your work. That is not playful. That is lazy and willful disobedience. And that will cause stress to your Dominant. And that is a big no-no for a healthy D/s relationship.

Both Dominants and submissives, listen up. You both have a responsibility to communicate with the other. Dominants, if your submissive is continually doing something that displeases you, lashing out and being angry will not solve the problem. Talk with your submissive, find out the root of the problem. Submissives, if your Dominant is being mean and/or neglectful, being petulant and bitter is not the solution. Talk with your Dominant. And by talk with your Dominant, I do not mean first gossip about with your friends. I mean go to your Dominant and tell him you need to talk about the things that are bothering you. Later, you can talk to your friends and tell them not how mean he is, but how wonderful it is to be able to talk to your Dominant.

And both of you, Dominants and submissives, learn to listen. Pay attention to the other. Learn when they are unhappy. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Do not, I repeat, do not make assumptions about what the other thinks or feels. Ask. When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and Mption, and Mption will not be sticking around the take the blame. So pay attention. Learn. Listen. Learn some more. And repeat as many times as necessary. And then do it again just for the sake of thoroughness.

Okay, class, that is… Yes, cute girl kneeling on the front row, what is it? Do you have to follow through even when you don’t feel like it. Good question. Yes, do you. Remember, class, your follow through is as much if not more for your Dominant or your submissive as it is for you.

Okay, class, that is all for now. For your homework, have a discussion with your Dominant or submissive about the rules. Even if you have had one before, do it again. It never hurts to get have more discussions as you progress through your D/s relationship. If you are not in a D/s relationship, then write in your journals about what rules mean to you and why you want to have them. As always, you are free to ask me questions you have about this lesson or just about anything else.

I should have another sub assignment up this week. And some announcements about other upcoming posts. And possibly a libertarian rant eloquent discourse as well. And if you are very good, I might post another “Dream” I have been working on. But you have to be good.

Class dismissed.

What? Yes, cute girl, you may wear a spanking skirt for your private tutoring sessions after class.

12 Responses to “Let’s Talk About Obedience and Follow Through”

  1. Once again great and informative thank you for your post. I’m so happy I found you.

  2. Sir, I appreciate your clarity (and the playful way you deliver a serious topic). There is nothing worse for a relationship’s trust than ‘knowing’ something is coming but then it never does. I think this goes for any promise made but not delivered not only punishments.It suggests falseness, disinterest or indifference to mutually discussed and agreed upon outcomes and goals.

    • Very true. It does apply to other things besides punishments. Follow through is important in many areas of relationships.

  3. I like how you write. In regards to communicating and listening, I could not agree more. I believe these are integral components in any relationship. One question though. In the D/s dynamics how do you view the idea of unconditional love? I apologize if you have discussed it.

    • Good question. There is nothing about healthy D/s that, in my opinion, would exclude unconditional love. The difference between a vanilla relationship with unconditional love and a D/s relationship with unconditional love is the manner of expression of that unconditional love.

      • I did ask from the standpoint of a vanilla girl. Lately other realms have grabbed my interest though. Yours is by far the most interesting place. Am I right to assume that the Dominant shows his unconditional love through dominating and the sub through submitting? Their needs being met – hence the unconditional love?

        • Never assume. While, yes, the Dominant would show unconditional love through domination, he would also do in other ways. For example, when the submissive becomes ill, the Dominant takes care of his submissive. There is more to being a good Dominant than just setting up rules and punishments. Similarly, the submissive would show unconditional love through her submission and her service in taking care of the Dominant. There is more to being a good submissive than just obeying rules and commands. A healthy D/s relationship is not a bit of D/s pasted over a vanilla relationship. In my opinion, a healthy D/s relationship is deeper and more intimate and therefore stronger than an ordinary vanilla relationship. Which, in turn, I think, makes it more romantic than a vanilla relationship.

  4. Another dream – yay!

    Might I ask a question?
    In regards to your topic, does this include when the dominant is absent for a week? Can and should it be followed up once the dominant returns?

    In the post above you spoke about timely feedback both as punishment and reward/praise, as well as the need for this to be consistent. As a beginning dominant I have been studious in this regard however as I am about to depart for a work conference I have several . . . misgivings about leaving my sub alone for the time although we will be in daily contact.

    Your thoughts are very much appreciated.

    • Since you will be keeping in contact with your submissive, I think you will be fine. You can assign minor punishments, like standing in the corner or a task the submissive does not like. I would recommend you set aside some time with the submissive, as soon after your return from the trip as possible, for assessing the submissive’s behavior while you were away. And then use that time to decide on any rewards or major punishments. Also, you might consider assigning a time consuming task for the submissive to complete while you are away so that the submissive has something to do that reminds her/him that you are still in control even when you are away.

  5. Sir. Putting D/s aside for a moment. This post has helped me to see where I need to improve with follow through with my daughter. Your advice in D/s applies not just to D/s relationships but all relationships. Thank you, Sir.

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