What I Am Learning About Myself

This will be a short post. You can skip it if you want. Just ignore it.

I am learning that I am a jerk. Maybe there is some other word for it. I don’t know. But jerk seems to fit.

Some of you may ask why that matters. I am a Dominant. Aren’t I supposed to be a jerk? Maybe. But this really is not about caring what other people think. It is about my ability to get along in friendly society. And apparently, I don’t.

So am I going to sit here a whine about it? No. That would be pointless.

Do you remember that sort-of poem thing I posted once about something you should understand? Well, I have come to understand something about that post that I did not fully grasp when I wrote it. Do you remember how in that sort-of poem I set about explaining that you do not understand who and what I am? And then I said “If you can grasp and accept that, then we can begin.” Well, here is the thing which I am just now fully understanding: You cannot grasp it. You literally have no frame of reference for what I am, and so you cannot understand. So there is nothing that can begin.

I do not say this because I am better than anyone else. Far from it. Very far from it. I am just other. That is all. I am always other.

So I sit here on the outside and make my comments. If they are helpful to you, I am glad. If they are not or you just don’t like them. Too bad. I may be other, but I am still arrogant enough to say what I want to say at my own blog.

Yes, that is correct. I am learning that I am other, and it still does not humble me. I am still a jerk.

That is all I am going to say about that. I hope you all have a good day. Give each of your friends a hug and thank God or your deity or the universe or whatever that you have them.

Yes, yes, more posts should be appearing soon.

Be good.

15 Responses to “What I Am Learning About Myself”

  1. So your a jerk you admit, who am I to say your not. I don’t know you or have any reference to go by arguing against your claim. When people show you who they are, believe them! I know your a Dominant, talented writer, believer and now a “jerk”. I’m assuming when you say you are “other” that your referring to socially not conforming. Meaning you have a hard time playing nice, making friends or make impulsive remarks that cause others to flee? I’m assuming, please correct me if I’m wrong. Your at least self aware, forthcoming and unapologetic in your recent discovery about yourself. I’ll do as you encouraged and hug my friends extra hard appreciating my blessings. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Sir, I do enjoy them all. Even if you are a “jerk.”

  2. An other? In some circles they are called “odds”. And odds are the ones who creatively move things forward. If you are one of those, go ahead and feel uncomfortable, but realize there is nothing wrong with it.

    Now, being a jerk about it, some of that is okay, some can be lack of care. You have said enough about dominants being respectful that I am sure you understand the differences there.

    If you are an odd, you are one of many dispersed throughout the WWW — don’t feel alone — though we odds don’t make large permanent social groups generally.

    So do we understand you? I am not sure I understand myself, much less someone else. But do we have a frame of reference? Sure, there are some common points we can start with… The image of the Creator, if none other.

  3. Dear Sir,
    It’s a challenge to truly know and accept our nature. Your blog provides a safe environment for those of us in the vanilla life who feel discontented. I can’t assume to know who you are but I can share what I’ve learned so far.

    My true nature is very primitive. I am a submissive woman who has had to sublimate my essence in order to survive in life. I have trust issues because being a Good Girl was never valued by men. I’m 90% Angel and 10% Bad Girl.That 10% is held in check for the right man who can handle her. I’m very primal and have been careful with my body, mind and soul. I will evolve. I will fall in love and be loved by the right man who can accept who I am.

    We are different and outside the norm. We are special and absolutely deserve being loved by the right person. Take care. I’m always wishing you good thoughts.


  4. You are missed.

  5. I enjoyed this. Giggled even. I have been in a “relationship” with my Dominant for 5 years. What I have learned and experienced from it cannot be summarized in a few sentences. Only someone that has had that kind of intense, erotic, mind blowing D/s euphoria and along with that, the profound despair, can understand how complicated it can be. The qualities that first attracted me to him are also the ones that frustrate me the most. I totally get what you are saying. If I may say that… Thank you for the post. I look forward to reading you. j.

  6. Sir,
    What is your ideal submissive? Is she naughty or nice? I believe in being sugar and spice and everything nice with the primary emphasis on spice.

    • My ideal submissive? It is a good question but it feels very personal. Or at least I think an accurate answer would be. But to speak generally, I prefer nice. I feel like I have enough conflict with people and the world, and I would prefer peace and calm in a personal relationship.

      • Sir,
        I believe that we seek solace with the person who tries to understand us. My ideal is a man who can understand the complexities of Carol. That foundation is built on trust, kindness and integrity. I’ve evolved from that girl who is attracted to a pretty face. A sincere smile, the ability to laugh at the absurdities of life and a keen intellect are far more important to me. If a man is willing and able to look below the surface then I will trust him with my heart and soul. No one in my vanilla world has exemplified those qualities. That is why I am opening up to this new experience in D/s. Maybe my future Dom can see beyond the limitations of life and live life passionately with me.

  7. I’m not saying anything bad but everything u just said for some reason reminds me of myself idk how I should take that lol

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