Project August: Day 6 – The Hunger of a Dominant

Okay, students, pay attention. I know some of you have questions about how a Dominant thinks, what does a Dominant need, and what drives a person to want to be a Dominant in a D/s relationship. So pay attention. I am going to talk about these things from a personal perspective. You may not fully understand all of it, but know that your understanding is not required.

Yes, cute girl with the spanking skirt in the front row, what is your question? No, I have not forgotten about Project August. I am responding to a post from Unraveling MaríMar (go for the sexy gifs, stay for the marvelous exploration of submission), called simply “Hunger”. It asks a straightforward question.

Is there any hunger more intense than that of a Dominant?

Perhaps there are desires as intense, but none more intense than the hunger of a Dominant. He craves few things lightly. And make no mistake, this is not a hunger for food. No, this is a hunger for the pleasure of his submissive. And yes, I speak of Dominant men. Sorry Dominant women, I will not pretend to speak for your desires. If that offends you, too bad.

When a Dominant hungers for the pleasure of his submissive, his soul demands to have it as soon as possible. And he will take it. 

This is a strange thing in our society of feminism and sensitive men who are, supposedly, ideally to worship the women they love. To want to grab a woman by the hair and pull her close for kiss taken not given, this is frowned upon in our society.

And so a Dominant man covets the pleasure of his submissive, even when he is without a submissive of his own. There is a longing to feel her warmth and her breath and her skin. There exists the desire to grab and hold a woman who willingly gives herself to his control. To pull her body close without permission, without needing permission. To grab her hair and pull her to her knees, knowing her knees grow weak the moment his hand touches her hair.

Why does a Dominant crave these things? Why is his hunger for them so strong? Because to him these are things of unparalleled beauty. His soul aches to see it, to know it, to have it. It is the beauty of a clear stream of water in a vast desert. All around there is nothing to satisfy, but this one stream of water. All around there is so much emptiness, so much that leaves him unfulfilled, but his submissive is the stream that alone can quench his thirst. His submissive feeds his soul and gives him the feeling of being truly alive.

Am I romanticizing what is really just sexist, chauvinistic hubris? No! Do not confuse the desire of a Dominant with the desire of a misogynist. The Dominant seeks not to crush and oppress. The Dominant seeks what the submissive seeks: happiness, fulfillment and love. In the history of the world, no sensitive and giving man in a vanilla relationship is more intent on such things than is a strong and sure Dominant in a Dominance/submission relationship.

When a man recognizes that he is dominant by nature, he is a fool to if he thinks his path will be easy. To be a Dominant in modern society is to be misunderstood, to be considered the next thing to an abuser of women for pleasure. It is to find the ordinary unsatisfying and find vanilla relationships shallow. It is to see the relationship games people play as so much dross.

And so begins the hunger. The hunger for that submissive who is, to his mind, better than the ordinary. Better because she has the beauty that others lack. Better because what his soul craves is not lesser than that of other men, but greater. It is a hunger that goes down to the very core of who he is. It is not easily satisfied. And, truth be told, he does not want it to be.

No, Dominant men are not perfect. We are not made of anything other than the same mortal clay as other men. But what we desire is something extraordinary. And finding it, we hunger for it no less. It is our favorite emotional and mental meal. We consume it and want more. We desire to be ourselves. We desire to be bare and unhidden from the submissive who will embrace us with eager arms. We desire to hold that treasure that is the submissive woman. It is a need, a hunger within that never truly dies, never truly is ever fully satisfied.

Is there a hunger more intense than that of a Dominant? No, there is not. Not in all the world.


Okay, students, class dismissed.

You, cute girl in the spanking skirt, in my office in five minutes. Clearly we need to discuss dress code issues.

26 Responses to “Project August: Day 6 – The Hunger of a Dominant”

  1. Hello again. I wonder if you could help me understand something that’s confusing me about my behaviour. I’m still very new to bondage. See most of the time I want to be good to please my dom, but sometimes I have the impulse I break the rules so that I get punished. I can’t understand this. Why do I sometimes crave punishment? Is this normal for a submissive? Or does it make me a bad submissive? My dom says he finds my behaviour amusing, but I’m worried that eventually his patience may run out.

    • What you crave is likely not punishment per se, but the attention you get as punishment. And no, this does not make you a bad submissive. This is quite normal for submissives who are still learning their way. If your Dominant is fine with you acting up to be punished, then you perhaps have no problem. On the other hand, I personally am not a fan of rewarding bad behavior. What I would suggest is that you consider what happens when you are punished, and then talk with your Dominant about why you crave that attention and the spankings or whatever action usually you are getting in your punishment. Discuss with your Dominant ways you can be an obedient submissive and be rewarded with the attention and accompanying action you are getting in punishment. That way, you both get what you want. And then, when your Dominant truly needs to punish you the punishment will be a punishment and not a reward. Which will be better in the long run for both of you.

  2. So good…and every submissive craves a man who will act on that hunger

  3. Thanks. Maybe you’re right about the more er rougher attention. Maybe that’s what I crave. I know its not the cane he uses to punish me, but I do like being spoke to harshly sometimes. It kinda helps break things up. I love being rewarded, and I like sweetness, but maybe this can be like having too much chocolate and so sometimes I want rough rather than sweet. Yeah, I can understand this now. Thank you lots. Now I can communicate and maybe get the rough without the cane I hate so much.

  4. MaríMar Says:

    Wow, thank you for mentioning me… I am touched and honored with your compliments.
    Love your words…
    Love how you made me laugh at the end with the girl in the spanking skirt. 🙂

  5. MaríMar Says:

    Reblogged this on MaríMar and commented:
    Xajow posted on his blog his answer to my question “Is there any hunger more intense than that of a Dominant?”
    Check it out.
    You won’t be disappointed for it shows a glimpse of his Dominant mind.

  6. Reblogged this on He named me Suri and commented:
    Very well written piece that offers a glimpse into the mind of a Dominant. Absolutely worth the read.

  7. loneyheart Says:

    Reblogged this on loneyheart and commented:
    I love this. It describes my Master so deeply. It describes him to absolute perfection. And I love him with every hearbeat

  8. Ah, the Hunger.

    As a dominant woman, I can say that having this Hunger has a tendency of intimidating most men. Outside of those in the lifestyle, I have confused many a lover and S.O. when I try to explain this Hunger, or show it. It is definitely at the core of who I am and a craving like no other that will never be satisfied, as you have said. Excellent post.

    • Welcome to Liberate One, and thank you for the comment. I did not really know whether female Dominants felt that sort of hunger, so thank you for providing another perspective.

  9. […] Expressing myself as a Dominant is at the core of who I am, it’s a need that I will have to have met by both of them. It is my Hunger (to quote Liberate One.) […]

  10. I agree we are not perfect, far from it, but I do believe we tend to think a little more before acting on something, we tend to look at the choices and consequences more closely.

    I am not sure what makes me want to be a Dominant, Sometime ago I did give it much thought and could come to no real conclusion. At a very young age I was different, even as a teen I truly enjoyed bondage.

    A hunger I am not sure if I would use those words, or maybe I might, would take a little thinking.

    Very good class though.

  11. night owl Says:

    Just wanted to clarify something so that any reader who stumbles onto your blog not understanding the consensual nature of BDSM….
    “To want to grab a woman by the hair and pull her close for kiss taken not given, this is frowned upon in our society.”
    There’s damned good reasons that grabbing a woman by the hair and pulling her close for a kiss is frowned upon by our society. It’s assault, plain and simple, and part of the rape culture that lives alive and well in our society. Unless you have pre-arranged consent by a woman to do this to her, she should damn well be frowning upon you, too……and pressing charges.
    I’m a natural submissive, but if you did this to me without my consent, you’d get my knee in your balls.

    • Given the context of the post and the blog as a whole, the sentence you quoted does not need and will not prompt an apology.

      That said, hello and welcome to Liberate One. I am always glad to have more perspectives represented here.

      • night owl Says:

        Oh One,
        I wasn’t asking for an apology nor hoping for one – just pointing out that, to the uninformed reader, to someone who doesn’t understand consentual non-consent (and many new submissives and dominants do not), the interpretation could be that Dom has the right to take whatever he wants from a submissive whenever he wants. That’s hardly the case.

        Thank you for the welcome.
        Warm regards,
        Night Owl

        • Fair enough.

        • I’m a new submissive & I understood that it was in a consensual context and found it erotic. That said, glad to also hear there are clear lines of what is abusive and what is sexual for both.

          Thank you for this post. I think I feel an equally intense hunger for my new partner who is opening my eyes to this world. I’m not sure if he is a Dom or something else but has my mind spinning with delightful new things I didn’t know I liked.

  12. Reblogged this on qqquietone's Blog and commented:
    ” We desire to hold that treasure that is the submissive woman. It is a need, a hunger within that never truly dies, never truly is ever fully satisfied.”
    An extremely accurate description.

  13. That left me with a HUGE grin. I like this explanation, well stated.

  14. […] time I didn’t realize that is what was happening and only after reading one of Xajow’s posts “Project August Day 6 – The Hunger of a Dominant” did I examine my own […]

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