Some Thoughts about Begging

There are different types of begging, I guess. Begging in role play, begging in sexual play, begging in the every day. (See what I did there?) What I intend to talk about is begging as an actual request from the submissive for something. And that something could be any number of things, a piece of candy, to perform fellatio, a spanking, to wear a certain article of clothing, dinner at a restaurant, et cetera. Am I saying submissives have to beg for everything? No. Usually the submissive would beg for something that would be a privilege for her. What the sub begs for will be determined by the nature and boundaries of the relationship she is in.

As I said, I am going to talk about begging as an actual request from the submissive for something. I do not mean merely asking for something. I mean a proper begging. Here is what I like to see when a submissive is begging: the sub on her knees, pleading in humility and with eager desire. What does that mean? Well, let us break it down.

sub on her knees:
The submissive kneeling in an attitude of supplication is the way a sub should start her begging. Now I do not want to spend a lot of time on kneeling positions here, but the position should reflect the submissive’s knowledge that she is requesting a special favor from her Dominant. Depending on the Dominant and the nature of the relationship, that might mean a simple kneeling position, with the sub sitting on her heels, or it might be something more. For example, the sub kneeling with her knees wide apart, her forearms held behind her back, thus in a position that says she belongs to her Dominant and that she is deliberately begging for permission as his sub. Or perhaps with her knees spread wide, her forehead on the floor and her arms reaching out to her Dominant’s feet, thus in a position of humble supplication.

pleading in humility:
The submissive should not ask in a manner that suggests she deserves the favor for which she is begging.  Even if the submissive believes she deserves it, she should remember that such a privilege is still a gift from the Dominant, something he does not have to allow her to do. The submissive also should never speak with an attitude that suggests she believes she will get what she wants just by virtue of having begged. I cannot speak for all Dominants (of course) but one thing that prompts me to deny a request from a sub is the sense that the sub believes she can manipulate me into doing something for her.

with eager desire:
When I hear a submissive beg for something, one other thing that prompts me to deny the request is any sense that the submissive is going through the motions just to please me. The submissive should beg in a manner that reveals yearning for the privilege being requested. The submissive should want the thing for which she is begging. I have some times said to a sub, “Make me believe you need it.” Submissives should stoke the desire for a thing so that one can hear it in the sub’s voice when she speaks of it.

But this may all seem like advice on acting. Which brings me to my next piece of advice about begging. Be genuine. Unless the Dominant has told the submissive to beg for something, the sub should not beg for something just to please her Dom. Why? Because is it the same as a lie. I cannot stress enough that honesty and trust are important in D/s relationships. Submissives should never lie to their Dominants. As much as the submissive needs to trust her Dom, so the Dominant needs to be able to trust his sub. He needs to know what she truly and genuinely wants and desires.

This is why I am not a fan of subs acting up or being deliberately disobedient when they want some physical punishment/attention. If the sub comes to depend on lies to get what she wants, the trust in the relationship will erode, and the relationship will rot and become a misery.*

And a sub begging for a spanking or a flogging can be quite pleasing. And the resulting action can be very satisfying for both parties.

So when a sub is begging, she should be kneeling, humble, eager and genuine.

What about in public, where kneeling might be too embarrassing? Well, that is up to the Dominant. I would suggest the submissive be especially humble and eager in that situation.

*Dominants should pay attention. Doms can be just as responsible as subs for the erosion of trust and rotting of the relationship. Doms need to pay attention their subs and eliminate this kind of manipulation as much as possible.